Posts Tagged ‘religion’

Being a busker is not just a job (in fact it’s not at all) but also a way of life (or a poor excuse for one).  
Here’s some advise on where to stand regadering life’s important topics. 

Politics

When the streets are crowded with people walking to and from the voting bureaus, it might be a better idea to busk instead of going to vote yourself. Should you feel the urge to vote anyway, consider these criteria before choosing a party to give your vote to.

– Vote for a party that supports art but doesn’t know an Estrukian bowl from a Tupperware. They will probably think you are a real artist too.

– Since the chances of you knocking-up a hot girl after a one-night-stand are slim, you might as well vote pro-life, unless you feel your mother should have had an abortion to spare you from a life as a busker.

– Vote for a party that doesn’t believe in the concept of a “selfmade man”. They feel good about supporting struggling minorities like buskers.

Religion

Pick any religion which says that the harder your life sucks now, the more awesome your afterlife will be. Avoid believing in any religion that promotes reincarnation. Because Karma and Poetic Justice will screw you over and make you come back as a busker every time.

Family Values

Busker family life is not your avarage happily married couple with 2.4 children (buskers are usually the 0.4’s). Regarding family values it is strongly advised you be good to your parents, for you will still live with them at age 38.

Principles

Consider becoming a vegetarian. Eating meat will give you a healthy blush and a well-fed look. That’s not the kind of busker people give money to. As a vegetarian, you become part of a large network of dreadlocked anti-globalists that can provide you with addresses of squatting houses to sleep in.

Sexual Orientation

 Although busking is not the part of showbizz that attracts gay men (try the musical scene) there’s no reason not to be.

“Well, it beats listening to a busker”

 With the little sex buskers have, it’s best to keep your options open. It’s a bit like being straight in jail: your best bet is faking to be bi-sexual.

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THE DIVINE TRINITY

The busker religion is centered around The Divine Trinity, being the chords A, D and E. These Divine Trinity of chords has provided buskers with food for generations.

A, D and E are revered because they make it possible to play 99% of all the songs ever written with the use of only 3 fingers.

It is believed that this “three chords, three fingers” is not a coincidence, but a divine prophecy pointing to the number 33, which is the age at which a lot of buskers either die, or give up busking. Also 3 + 3 = 6, the number of strings on a guitar and 3 x 3 = 9, the number of songs a busker is required to know, according to fundamentalists.

Orthodox Buskers and

The Church of Minority Buskers

For some time now busker religion is divided between the orthodox buskers who only believe in A, D and E and the Church of Minority Buskers, who also believe in the Minor chords Am, Dm and is some cases even Em (hence the name the Church of Minority).

A very small group of fundamentalists even argue that in the beginning there was only A and E and that D naturally evolved from these chords. They are called the Evolutionist Buskers. They claim there is scientific prove of this.

THE LENNY

There is yet another important chord in both Orthodox and Minority Busker mythology, unknown by any busker. A secret chord as described in the song “Halleluja” by Leonard Cohen, a busker favourite. Hence the name “The Lenny”, by which the chord is refered to.

Now I’ve heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah “

It is believed by buskers that this is a magic chord whose sound will generate a vibe that is so pleasing, it will cause people to give a lot of money.

The Lenny is the busker’s equivalent of the Sorcerers Stone of the Alchimists. So far, all buskers have failed in their quest for this secret chord. It has of yet sounded only in biblical times. It is said that Leonard Cohen has used it in some ways, which would explain why he has such success with songs so simple every busker could write them.

Even so, it has been impossible to reproduce it even when playing Leonard Cohen songs. The believe in the existence of The Lenny is the major reason buskers keep on busking, because they always cling on that small shred of hope they will once play The Lenny and finally become rich and famous.


SAINTS

Again there is no compromise between Orthodox Buskers and The Church of Minority. Both agree to the fact that the deceased musicians Saint Nick Drake, Saint Kurt Cobain, Saint Elliott Smith and Saint Jeff Buckley are patrons, but The Church of Minority also believes in Saint Bob Dylan and Saint Leonard Cohen, even when they are still alive.

Playing songs of Saints is considered a must, but playing them badly is considered blasphemy. This is a thin line that even Busker Theologists don’t really know where to draw.