Increase Your Income Doggystyle

Posted: August 10, 2009 in 1
Tags: , , , ,

It’s a classic sight: a busker plays a John Denver evergreen while a scruffy dog feigns to sleep next to an upturned hat.

Since the invention of the sidewalk, buskers have been accompanied by man’s best friend (or in some cases the busker’s only friend).

Though you may look pityful doing your busker thing, there is nothing more heartbreaking than a dog that has to spend it’s life alongside a street performer. And when people feel bad about something, they tend to ease their pain by donating money.

A scruffy dog by your side increases your income. In fact, if you were really honest you had to split the nickle harvest from your guitar case 90%-10%, where 90% goes to your dog.

Its all a question of talent

It's all a question of talent

Sad looking busker dogs attract more people to your performance than those fancy jazz chords no-one seems to notice you incorporate in your songs. But there’s a catch. Remember the anti-humour joke about the shaggy dog? (You can read it here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaggy_dog_story). The dog shouldn’t be TOO shaggy. That will just scare people away, afraid to catch a disease when they come too close.

Since Lassie got cancelled, it just went downhill for the poor dog

Since "Lassie" got cancelled, it just went downhill for the poor dog

Here are some guidelines in chosing a dog that’s a fit companion of a busker and the increase/loss of income associated with the dogs features.

This dog wont make you more money

This dog won't make you more money

– Damaged or missing tail: +10% (uncapable of wagging a tail makes a dog look sad)
– Damaged or missing an ear: +10% (looks like he’s been into a fight and lost or possibly had a rough childhood)
– Missing an eye: -10% (a gaping hole in a dogs skull won’t lure kids into throwing you money)
– Wearing a scarf: +10% (enhanced cutenessfactor “Oh, he thinks he’s people!”)
– Bad fur day: +20% (a healthy fur suggests a nice warm home with a bathtub)
– Missing leg: -25% for each paw missing
– Droopy eyes: +25% (this is really one of the best features your dog can have)
– Being able to play dead for hours: +20% (people will think malnutrition took all the life out of the mutt)
– Being skinny: +10% (this is a tricky one. A bit skinny is good, very skinny makes you look like an animal abuser and loses you 50%)
– Being of indiscernible breed: +15% (the cheaper the bastard (sic) looks, the poorer you seem)

Lets do that Howlin wolf cover again

"Let's do that Howlin' wolf cover again"

Woof!

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