If You… Then You Really Are A Busker

Posted: July 17, 2009 in Read "The Busker's Handbook"

IF YOU

  • lack friends

T

  • have a body odour

H

  • drink luke-warm cans of the cheapest beer known to mankind

E

  • are always broke

N

  • wear stained and torn clothes

  • are able to tell the value of falling coins just by the sound of it

Y

  • haven’t had a relationship that lasted longer than a week (minus the weekend)

O

  • know where free meals are distributed

U

  • can predict within five minutes when that hot girl passes the street on her way to and from work, and realise it’s the closest to having sex you’re gonna get

  • know more than one hobo by surname

R

  • think the guitar capo is the greatest invention since the opposable thumb

e

  • know the taste of smoking discarded sigaret butts

a

  • don’t have bronchitis, it’s just the way you sound

l

  • have fingertips that you can hold a lighter to, without feeling it

l

  • figured out that whatever crisis the world may face, you will survive thanks to the knowledge of two chords and altruïstic pedestrians

y

  • are soaking wet, but didn’t notice it rained

  • know the lyrics to 37 songs better than the pope knows the Lord’s Prayer

a

  • aren’t really that great a musician, but you can fake that you know what you are doing

r

  • mother cries a little inside every time someone asks how you are doing

e

  • can’t be bothered with the 7’s and 9’s that are sometimes added to chord symbols

  • know folksongs that are older than the invention of the guitar

a

  • don’t really know what tuning you(re playing in, but it sounds alright
  • refer to sheet music as “lyrics with lines and funny dots above them”

b

  • receive money for new pants from an old classmate who told his driver to stop the limo in front of you

u

  • are the only person you know who quit smoking because sigarets are expensive

s

  • know more than 3 items that can still be purchased for a quarter or less

k

  • have a permanent skin imprint of a guitar strap at the back of your neck

e

  • serve as an example for parents who warn their children about underachieving

r

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