From The Diary Of Mental Marc (A Month In The Life Of A Busker)

Posted: July 17, 2009 in Read "The Busker's Handbook"
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April 14

Today I was singin keep on rokkin in da free world when an asshole with a cell phone started jabberin right nexta me really fookin anoying & you know what that sonovabitsh say he say can you keep it down can’t u see I’m on da phone so I say lick me balls koksukka I’m playin’ here & u know whaddat asshole did he gave me five big ones just to shut me up I mean the rich bassturd just gave me more money than I make in a week NOT to play it made me feel like such a loser I spent it all on booze

April 15

A dowg peed in my guttar case while I was playin dat song u ain’t nothing but a hound dowg yeah I guess dat’s just irony the money was soaked & I had to let it dry & then some money was blown away by the wind & I had to chase it and when I got it that same fookin dog was standin there & just fookin starin at me so I kicked him & the owner chased me and I fell on the soaked guttar case & he kikt me too but I still had the money the money stinks a bit & then it started to rain

April 18

Learned a new chord today I call it Dave & I need 3 fingas to play it it sounds like the chord I call Tom but slytly sadder & now I can play songs with 4 chords but I don’t now any songs like that so I have no use for bein able to play Dave and so it was a waist of time learnin it

April 24

Very annoying the hole day some loonatik was standin beside me shouting that jesus saves he had a stick with a cardboard on top also sayin that jesus saves I say listen fella we all have to save for example I’m savin for new strings but people hesitate to give me money coz they think I’m with u & I’m some kind of singin doomsday proffit so go away plees and then he shouted at me & he hit me with jesus saves you know with the board & I hit him with me guttar & then he ran away but he dropt a can with money he had collected & I took the money & I was glad coz jesus had indeed saved a lot

April 25

Someone walked in poo & walked by me leavin a trail of poo & now nobody can come close enuff to throw money in me guttar case & I don’t want to go play somewhere else because a girl is watchin me form a koffee house & she’s very pretty & I sing pretty woman you know the song roy orbinson used to sing but I don’t really now it so it doesn’t really sound like that song & she leaves

April 28

I think me mother just came by but we both pretended we didn’t know eachother that was pritty aukwerd even more so coz I was playin that’s alright momma but not as good as elvis sang it

May 3

The fly on my pants is broken so u can see me underwair & police came & say they had compleints & that it was some sort of seksuwal misbeheavier & I expleint it but I still had to leave coz there was a kindergardin where I was playin & kids pointed at me coz of the underwair I was glad I put on underwair today

May 5

Some guy was drunk & he said I had to play smoke on da water and I say I didn’t know it & he said play it or I hit u in the bolls & I was scared & played it but he said it was not the song & that I better play smoke in da water and I felt suddenly tears in my eyes coz I was afraid & then I kicked him in the gut & he through-up in the guttar case I was glad there was no money in it but now I dumpt the guttar case in an alley coz it also already had dogpee in it & now I have to buy a new one with the money I stole from the drunk guy but that’s not rilly stealin is it

May 7

A man was angry coz I sang fat bottumed girls that’s a song by queen when he passed by with his wife & she was fat I mean rilly o.b.’s & he say I play the song to hurd her feelins but that wassen’t true I was just playin it the new guttar case is very sterdy coz when the man tried to grab me he fell on it & I heard his knee krack & I ran away I was lucky that woman was so fat she couldn’t chase me & then I shouted haha I did sing it coz u’re fat but actiolly that wassen’t rilly true

May 12

I stuck my finger betwean the guttar case & it hurt & I couldn’t play a fuwe days but now it’s better only my pinky still hurts but I don’t know any chords that rekwire me to use a pinky so I can play again I lissened to the radio for new songs to play but it’s all crappy almost no songs have guttars on them these days & the ones that have a guttar use powder chords but I don’t know how to play powder chords so I just stick to old songs but today some guy from the newsstand say he was tyred of hearin me play the same 3 songs all day long I say you sell the same newspaper all day long he say it’s not the same

May 13

It’s the 13th and that’s me lucky numbers coz today an old woman took a coin out of her handbag but axidently threw her handbag in my guttar case and left with the coin I think she had oldsymer or dimension and also she was deff coz I warned her about it & she didn’t hear me but I didn’t warn her very loud coz I wanted to keep the handbag

May 14

Some teenagels made fun of me cos of the handbag I wear that an old woman gave me yesterday & they say I am gay & that they see it coz of the perse but I’m not gay and I proofed it by whisselin to some girls & makin heteroseksuwal comments at them but the girls were the girlsfriend of the teenagels & they took my perse & then they hit me with it I get hit a lot by teenagels it must be difficult bein gay but I’m not

  1. Brian says:

    ..Absolutely hilarious… I love it!

  2. Bunjiro says:

    That was incredibly funny… great read! I laughed out loud several times 😀

  3. SeaSideRobin says:

    That was awesome 🙂 Loved it.

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